With sharp pain & anger,
I stand at the brink.
A dark chasm sinks
Before me, vast & terrible.
Only self annihilation awaits.
I remember many deeds ignorant;
Sharpened blades to fall upon, I bleed!
What eyes with vanished gleam
Could see the stain
Black upon the altar's dream.
What of the good?
But a fit memorial to call;
To choose again that trinity
Holy--Love, Joy, Happiness all.
Oh Spite! I cast away the good.
What darkness has arisen?
A decayed sepulchre
Of self--I shake!
What mad thoughts torrent
To crash thunderously...
A mighty wave wearing
Rock to sand. See that beacon
On the break? With the land torn
It topples and extinguishes the light.
The land torn...
I am the land! This carapace
Prison, a shallow cell for the soul,
This temple. Who has forsaken
The inner sanctum? What Apostate thought
Ancestral to adversely affect my altar?
I am the wave! Violent
Energy rampant & raving.
A gray churning clouded
Swell only to recede with a foamy frill,
Bubbling like an insane murmur mocking.
What a curse is this affection
I have, an affliction since
Dawn. I care for You, truly I care,
But the rub of frustration lays siege
To my heart, and it starves.
This affection not yet love
Engenders expectations that
Prowl before me. A fools
Chase--Am I a fool?
Will it be my death?
If I can not hope nor dream
What can I do? There is yet
That frustration, stirring hopeless
Anger. I struggle & yell, "Rage,
Unhand me you fucking bastard!"
What is the price for peace? Why must I remain,
All alone in the night, weeping? The good
Shepherd is lost, wandering the endless
Desert dunes, seeking the guide
of a faint single star
So very far away.
Oh Light! How do I wear the crown
Of thorns and see through
Your eyes? What beauteous
Visions may yet fill me again?
Passion, calm the waters
That the beacon may shine.
Let the angel soar forth
From the gates of heaven.
And I? May I have mercy on my soul.